Clever, clever qoutes

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.
George Burns

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
Jimmy Duran

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Rodney Dangerfield

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
Bob Hope

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . as you grow older, it will avoid you.
Winston Churchill

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Billy Crystal